For my first post i didn't know how i wanted to start it, either with talking about my past and how i became who i am, or just start from now and where i am heading? I guess i will bounce back and forth between each post.
Well if you have bothered to look at the blog it self you will know that i am in the process of trying for my second child with Ken. My son at the moment is 3 years old and i really don't want to wait much longer, i am not really financially ready, but if i wait for that i probably will never get to having another. I figured that when it happens thing will work out either way. So this passing Thursday i had my IUD removed and Ken and I will be going at it for a while. December is when i found out i was pregnant the first time and i have a feeling this will happen again, which kinda sucks in a way because that means i''ll be huge in the summer again, bah! That was a mess, i was a miserable turd then. I am going to try to start under 60lbs this time though, I am sooooo not losing all that i just got back to my pre-pregnancy weight, now i am going to get right back up there ::sigh::. I also have decided that i am going to try Breast Feeding, i didn't do it last time because i was very uncomfortable with the thought of having a human being latched onto my breast, i still kind of am. I am willing to try it though, i can't really judge it unless I've been there, so yes this time im going for it. I heard so many good things about it. ANDDDD i can lost weight faster?! Why didn't anyone tell me this 3years ago? Damn you to hell!
The main thing that scares me about having another child is that Corey was such a screamer, i went through hell with him, it was a horrible first experience as a mother. Especially becuase his father didn't do shit to help me in any way shape or form. We didnt even sleep in the same area because he couldn't stand the screaming that he did. Ugh, thank god thats over with. I hope i don't have to go threw that again though, this time i'll have Ken so it will be different .. I hope. It's hard enough being a loner mom with just one, but two.. idk if i could handle it. I would do my best either way. My mom sort of did it.. with the help of every single person around us. ANYWHO!
Recently I started school again, it took about 5months to get started because everything went wrong that could of. Many many times, my social worker is a dumb ass. Those of you that don't know yes.. i get help from the state because i don't work and i get no help from Corey's father. I am not proud of it.. i dont even like talking about it, it makes me very self conscious. As soon as i can i will get off of it.. i went an entire year with no money at all.. ZERO because i was too damn proud to get help, i did it for Corey. With the help of family and friends.... i made it through.. but it got old. Now with the little money i have i can go out and live a little. I just really wanna be back in the work field so i can take care of my family without having to answer to anyone, you know? w/e
Corey started preschool scared sh*tless of the bus. He loves playing with those kids though, which is great i hope it improves his speech a bit. He already seems to be doing better, he is extra lovey dovey to me now too, no complaints. He is such a big boy now..
i feel like the last three years have been a blur... So much has happened... but all i remember is corey..and everything that has happened with him.. i just want him to be happy no matter what..
My mind is drawing a blank. Enough.
